I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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