Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
