My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
