if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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