is your mom at the bar?
just tell him i said nine months
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
