And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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