I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
