Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
