Im at strip club and am horny
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
