Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
