Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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