i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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