took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
