Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
