i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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