Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
