i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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