I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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