LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
