Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
