I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
