Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
