dude i'm inner monologue high
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
