But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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