My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
