you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
