I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
