dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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