If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
