Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
