I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize