Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize