Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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