go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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