Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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