babies were throwing up all over the place
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
