And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
