So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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