after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
