So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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