I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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