I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
