its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize