you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
