he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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