We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
