You smell like stripper and shame
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
