I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
