Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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