On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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