Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
