dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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