Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
