so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
