Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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