Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
