and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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