Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
