She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
