no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Less talking, more tequila
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
