i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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