she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
