I just threw up on my dentist
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
