I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
