I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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