Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
