yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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