If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
