and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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