guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she told me i tasted like america
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
