I think my fart just growled at me.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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