I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
