my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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