He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize