the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
