doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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