the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
These tits shall not be calmed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
